I Never really accepted I had a problem with alcohol abuse Until I was 31 then after 8 months of doing AA meetings I suddenly decided I didn’t have a problem and was “quite “Normal”. ( in reality I’m a fucking nutcase when I am intoxicated) an actual disgrace to the human race ) 😂😂 I don’t agree with all of AA ( I’ll get to that later )
However now that I’ve accepted it . And I think that’s key to recovery. shedding any denial, I did take on board this little gem "alcohol dosent live in a bottle" "it lives in people“. The ism” is inside of me. And also anyone recovering .
You have me here talking to you on one hand sober . But on the other hand give me a bottle of alcohol or high powered alcoholic drink? "usually caffeine in it" and that’s it . That’s all it takes because in one hand I have alcohol and in my stomach lies the ism … combined they = alcoholism
That’s me I lyterally cannot get enough of the stuff. I’m on painkillers Co-dyramol a strong opioid , I’m on klonopin for anxiety another additive benzo , also zolpidem for insomnia? No the weird thing is I’ve never abused them . They don’t bother me . My drug of choice was always alcohol I used it as a mood stabiliser and would end up happy then sad and miserable and casting up shit that happened 30 years ago.
Then as my drinking got worse I started taking medication on top and blanking out. One night a woke up at new year so desperate I seen a champagne bottle from my wedding… it wasn’t mines it belonged to my wife . It still didn’t stop me.
I thought I was fly so sneaked out side and when the cork popped it was like a fucking shotgun going off!!! . I knew I was in the wrong so I fucked of out at 2am to my cousins and drank nearly 2 bottles of whiskey. I came home in a taxi and thought it was the same day , I then asked where my dinner was and got told I’d already ate it.
That’s how badly gone I was. 15 mins later I passed out and came round to my wife screaming to get up and I vomited everywhere . I was choking to death in my vomit. I owe my life to that woman . But hey ? Even that did not stop me going back to it. This blog tonight is a bit rushed and I’m jumping around a bit. I’d like people to ask me personal stuff and I’ll engage as I want to build a platform on here no strings attached.
For anyone struggling ? I'd love for them to be able to come to this website/blog if they need help. I’ve already met some inspirational people on here and I hope I can inspire others once I get this website in some sort of order as I am so busy with home life.
I feel Ive not been writing enough but I really ought to get the head down , Ryan my 7 yr old son will be up at 5.30 am he has ASD non verbal autism . Alcohol prevented me doing things and I’ve missed out on a lot and so has my family . It’s shit but I’m now stepping up to the plate and determined to make a success of this .Getting a good nights sleep is essential.
I've had some speed bumps along to the present day . However I remain " undeterred" as ( Jeff Johnston) "Living undeterred project" would say . If enough people find me and my thoughts engrossing and thought provoking enough to carry a message like they have never seen and hopefully,raise a few smiles and laughs along the way then I’ll keep going with it.
I’ve taken the website for 2 years initially . I am serious and passionate about helping others . Especially helping people up when society is kicking them while there down.
I’m still very quirky and spontaneous so I could write about anything on any given day . Everyone has heard of things like the ism and stuff in recovery but it’s my plan over time to do something never seen done before , a new innovative approach, prevention before addiction happens
. I’m going to try write some blogs each with aspects of alcohol thats "different" there's nothing better than hearing something you’ve never heard before and it makes sense right ? “ high five 🖐 “ .
I had an ultrasound last Monday and came back I had fatty liver so a lifestyle change and I can reverse it plus take all you guys on my recovery and be a part of it as I’m always at my best when helping others. If you have read this far down I hope you don’t need a shave 🪒 😂😂. Thanks for taking the time to read this and consider this the blog/website to come to not just for alcoholism but mentel health , mood disorders, anxiety even for motivion .
I’ll leave you with this thought….. they say AA is the only way ? Is that really true ? I mean We are also told a leopard 🐆 can’t change its spots? …well even if that’s true then it’s also true that a human being can change their attitude and have gratitude and turn their lives around .
Hope I’ve not bored anyone . I’m off to bed I’m gubbed 💙. Joe 30/7/23
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